How to be a student

No one has ever laid down the rules on how to correctly be a student. Tax payers think students are tax dodging ‘young adults’, ex-students think they are jealous and future students will strop until they finally become one.

The simple point of fact is that no matter how you’re perceived as a student, it is what you put into your experience that truly counts.

Let’s start off with a few basics, they can easily to sleep in till lunch, eat breakfast for tea and drink the house dry. They attend lectures once a week and regard channel E4 as the equivalent to the BBC News.

Once they have finally dragged themselves out of the lairs then they can really begin the day. One can imagine their day to be very hectic, what with all their extra curriculum activities (stealing road signs, cones and various other night reflective objects) and keeping the local kebab shop in business, the life of a student is not to be snubbed.

In order to be the very best student a student can be they must follow several simple guidelines…

Firstly: student discount. See it, sign it and get it. Life is not complete without some form of discount and tight fisted, money holding persons that they are, any discount will be welcomed. So get hold of a student card and start flashing it.

Secondly: food shopping. Just because Tesco value food looks like it has been reared on the ugly farm does not mean it is not edible. With a pinch of salt and a sprinkling of pepper they should be Gordon Ramsey-ing it before they know it. Before long the British economy will be booming thanks to students and their low standards of food.

Thirdly: sleep/ sleep deprivation. Students don’t sleep. They are not nocturnal, they simply don’t sleep. Think Twilights Edward Cullen but without the blood curdling thirst. Although sleep deprivation may sound like terminology from doom, it will become a student’s best friend pushing the boundaries of human function to the extreme.

This brings us to point four: ProPlus. Never underestimate the power of a student and a packet of ProPlus, especially around the exam period. The reason students can look like they haven’t slept in day is probably because they haven’t. These Proplus wonders can add hours to a student’s revision timetable and lets face it, they wouldn’t strive on pulling ‘all nighters’ to work if they couldn’t achieve it.

These are but a few guidelines to encourage the students of today to maximize their university experience. It goes without saying that they should firstly, before obtaining their student discount cards, enrol on a degree course they find interesting.

From one student to another, if they want to enhance their path in life, gain an extra qualification or simply learn more about specifics then choosing an interesting degree will certainly help.

At the end of the day isn’t that what students go to university for?